Or maybe it was the Stooge. You know, the hot one. Yes, there IS a hot Stooge. (Also: Mmmm hot stooge.)

Kid Me is sitting in a booth in the back of the hotel lounge when I arrive. She taps the ash off the end of her cigarette, finishes a conference call on her cell and waves me over. I don't know whether it's the avant-garde shaggy bowl cut, or the irreverent light pink Catholic school jumper with faux pocket flaps, but just being in her presence makes my palms begin to sweat. Kid Me lives up to her reputation as one of the most intimidating public figures in modern American society.

Me: It's been a long time, Kid Becky. Thanks for taking the time to sit down with me, I know you're busy and...

Kid Me: Hey, you got boobs.

Me: Uh. Yeah.

Kid Me: They're boingey. That's good. I always wanted boingey ones. I bet boys are lining up around the block to slime all over them.

Me: Um, well...sure. I get...slimed?...now and then.

Kid Me: I can't wait. Seriously. I can't fucking wait to get slimed. You're such a luck-out. *lights cigarette* Okay, Old Becky. I haven't got all day. Shoot.

Me: Oh. Alright. *cough* Let's see. *shuffles papers* Okay, yes. So, Kid Me, if I remember correctly, you enjoy school and are an excellent student. Your determination to do your best work, to be your best person, to accept nothing less than your best, is inspiring to many. Your work ethic is evident in everything you do.

Kid Me: Thank you for noticing. It's true. I do believe that with a solid work ethic and determination to work to our greatest abilities, we can be better than we ever thought possible. My schoolwork, my education, is my top priority.

Ah yes, but of course. President Dwight D. I.Wanhorsr.

Say, was that the bell for snacktime?

Me: What many people don't know about you is that you're not only a scholar, but an accomplished artist as well.

Kid Me: Oh, no, please. I try.

Me: Don't be modest. Your collection entitled "Ink on index cards", currently on exhibit at the MoMA, has been celebrated for its minimalist humility, its raw honesty with regard to the human form. You tear down all preconceived notions of gender and challenge our notions of masculine vs feminine in a way that likens you to a young Frida Kahlo, or Nan Goldin.

Big booby, small booby, hangy pippi

Felt tip pen on paper, 1980

Kid Me: Yes, well. My hope is that a piece like "Big booby, small booby, hangy pippi" will lead people to reevaluate their own attitudes toward gender and sexuality. Plus look at the pee-pee coming out. It's so funny because he's making pee-pee on the floor. It's like pssssssssssss everywhere!!

Me: You're mature beyond your six years, Becky. What would you say is your favorite piece, your best work, as judged by the artist herself?

Kid Me: (laughs) Oh, you're not gonna make this easy for me, are you? Wow. It's really...it's hard to say. It's impossible for me to judge the value of my own work, as so much of its inherent value, for me, depends on public reaction. I guess, I would have to say that I'm most proud of my 1982 work, entitled "I am a lion and I look radical."

Me: A favorite of mine as well. This piece has such a positive message. I am a lion, and dammit, I look radical! If only we all had Lion's self-esteem. Was that the message you intended to deliver, when you created this masterpiece?

Kid Me: Yes, the message that we are whatever we believe, which is an important notion in this era of conflicting messages from the media about who we're supposed to be. Plus I'm super good at drawing lions. Seriously. Look at his mane. So radical.

Me: Totally radical.

Kid Me: No duh.

Me: Becky, you love your parents, that much is obvious from your work.

Kid Me: I do. Very much.

Me: You have recently opened up for public viewing your very private collection of love notes composed by you to your parents throughout your youth. Never before has an exhibition brought its critics to tears by the sheer power of its pure, unabashed love. It's been hailed as a celebration of daughterly love and appreciation, and the exhibit's opening on Mothers' Day of this year drew record crowds. This exhibition reminds us of everything that is beautiful and rewarding about parenthood.

Kid Me: My mom and dad are my inspiration, this exhibition is my way of saying thank you. I owe them everything. They worked so hard to give me the perfect childhood, and I am forever indebted to them. I take every opportunity I can to thank them.

Me: Your dad was quite ill, in and out of hospitals for a long time, wasn't he?

Kid Me: Yes, I...(sniff)...I...just give me a second.

Me: Of course. I'm...I'm so sorry. We can come back to this, if it's easier...

Kid Me: No, no I'm fine now. (sniff.) My dad. Such a great man. I truly wouldn't be where I am today if not for his support and love. When he was sick, it was a dark time. Very scary. We never knew from one day to the next if he'd make it. His illness had a profound impact on me, and I felt it was my duty to share some of our correspondence from this period of time.

Me: The love...the love is clear. It radiates through in these letters. One can't help but be moved.

Me: One last question...

Kid Me: Oh no. I know what's coming.

Me: Yeah, I know you do. But everyone wants to know. I have to ask.

Kid Me: (laughing) Alright, go for it.

Me: The name "Larry" seems to recur often in your work, and speculation as to the identity of this person has led critics to label it a modern day Mona Lisa mystery. Everyone's dying to know, Becky. Who is Larry?

Kid Me: Oh, yes, Larry. The mystery of this "Larry". Let me explain. Larry, you see, is more of an abstract concept than a particular individual. Larry is you, Larry is me. Larry is everyman. Larry is love, and death, and fear. Larry is...

Me: It's Larry from Three's Company, isn't it.

Kid Me: *sigh* He's so radical.