Farley: Bullshit. Seriously. That was a bullshit playdate. Don't ever take me back there.
Me: Why? You didn't have fun?
Farley: No, no fun at all. I don't even remember most of it, that's how bullshit is was.
Me: Seems like you made lots of nice friends there, though. Lots of nice ladies came to say goodbye when you left.
Farley: Yeah, that's true. I got plenty of kisses, but still. Zero playtime. That place sucks.
Me: What did you do while you were there?
Farley: You know what's weird? I don't even know. I took a nap, and then I was tired so I took another nap, and ...*sigh*... I'm sorry, I can't even focus right now because I have the WORST fucking headache. Like, splitting headache.
Me: Oh, really? That's weird.
Farley: Do I look okay? Look at me, do I look different to you? Do I look sick? Because my head is just pounding like you wouldn't believe.
Me: You look fine to me. Nothing out of the ordinary.
Farley: You sure? Look closer. Something just feels...off.
Me: Hmmm.
Farley: I look the same as I did when I went in there?
Me: Actually, I think you're even more handsome now.
Farley: Heh. I am pretty handsome.
Me: *covers all the mirrors*
Farley: What are you doing?
Me: Nothing.
57 comments:
Aww, poor Farley. What IS that, anyway? Did they just tape a roll of gauze to his head in the hopes that it would soak up all the brain goo and you wouldn't have to change it, or what?
That might start a new cotton mohawk trend.
Seriously though, what happened?
Did you switch brains cause his was bigger and you were jealous?
I have to say, he is mighty handsome. I think he'd be more concerned with the cone though, since that's what's gonna keep him from licking his junk. We all know how much dogs like to lick their junk.
What happened?
I think his biggest problem right now is that that tampon taped to his head is gonna make him go cross eyed.
Has Farley always been a fashion trend-setter? Now everyone will want the tampon-head look. I'd better go out and get mine now. Thanks for the tip.
Aw shit, woman. What happened?? He looks like he escaped a research lab.
I'm seriously sad for that dog, dude. What on earth happened? I do have to say, he doesn't look nearly as angry as he should. In fact, is that a smile I detect? Bizarro.
Awwww! Poor little Farley! I hope all is well.
I know what happened! Looks like Farley called the neighbor cat a pussy one too many times. All the cats got together and jumped him. And then you took him to a kindergarten class to let the children play Vet.
Brain surgery is a nice cover story that will elicit a lot of sympathy for Farley. But you and I both know that it's just a cover story to distract people from your true nefarious activity.
Admit it, Steamy. Farley is the first dog with a surgically-implanted laser on his head. Way to go, Arfenheimer.
Biggest tampon head ever. What the hell? Dogs always get the shaft. They have to crap outside in front of everybody, sniff asses to say hello, wear one of those giant collars when they get stitches and now get giant tampons slapped on their head instead of a simple bandage. There has to be another way.
Poor baby. I really hope that looks worse than it is...
Actually, I speak fluent dog. And Farley told me that nothing else matters after the cone of shame was put on.
Totally copying that look. I think it's office-appropriate, yes?
I predict that we see the tampon hat look on Project Runway very soon.
Poor Farley...I remember when I had an elephant tampon taped to my head...
Michelle: I have no idea. I think maybe it's there to press the skin back down onto the bone to it sticks good. I know, I know, I should really learn to speak in layman's terms.
Ed: The fabric of our lives, yo.
confessor: I know, the bandage humiliation is worse than the actual brain surgery.
JAG: *rolls up sleeves* Guess I'm gonna have to step in and take one for the team, since he can't reach and all.
Alison: Brain surgery to remove a tumor, and yes, I can't stop wondering about the cross-eyed thing too. Also, the stitches are pulling his eyelids up like little marionettes, which is just gross.
Scott: He's a fashionista, yes. Be sure to get yours with a little noodle tube sewn into your skull. That's the piece de resistance.
Inky: I know, he had a tumor and I'm fucking pissed because 2 dogs/2 tumors/6 months is bullshit so I'm going at this one aggressively. Fuck that fucking tumor to hell.
Amanda: He's strangely happy. Like happier than he was before he went in. Yeah, bizarro is right.
Veronica: Everything's good. It looks worse than it is, I think.
WTWA: Look at the skill at which the giant tampon was sewn to his head, though. If it were the work of kindergarten, they would have used glue stick. Think about it.
WWW: First dog? Yessss, of course. Farley is the first dog I've attempted laser implants on. The very first. *hides Franny's ashes in the closet*
Harna: I know. He doesn't even get the proper kind of sympathy with that thing on. They might as well have sewn a couple tube socks to his ears and a bubble wand to his nose.
Megs: I think it is, he's actually really happy. 14 years old and rocking the brain surgery. Awesome dog.
SkysDad: Cone of shame, that's cute. What about lampshade of despair? Collar of doom?
Keely: Yes, but only if you go all out and shave that male-pattern baldness patch into the top of your head. Otherwise it would just look ridiculous.
Jane: It's very emo, don't you think?
Tony: Don't we all, Tony. Don't we all...
Farley, I understand. You probably need another nap.
Prolly the best headline of the week.
No, surely the BEST.
holy cow, poor doggie!
For some reason, there's just nothing funnier than a cussing dog. Maybe it's because I imagine they're all waggy and non-cussy. Hmmmm. I'll have to think about this a bit more.
Did he get the Flowers for Algernon Procedure? If that works out, please let me know. I came home from my first stay-at-home-dad playdate about 20 minutes ago, and my goddamn dog had shit on the carpet for the third time since the twins were born. I was going to write a funny bit about the dads group, but now my beer buzz has become a bilious black funk.
Poor Farley, but yay that he is still kicking after the surgery. And you are awesome for getting it for him. And I hope he is recovering nicely. Despite the giant tampon hat and a mommy who let's us all SEE the giant tampon hat. :)
I have never seen anyone look that happy with a tampon sticking out of their forehead.
I think Farley's starting a new trend. I hear tampon heads are the new black.
What the what?!
Is he okay?
Can I give him kisses??
WHEN PUPPIES ARE SICK OR SAD OR HURT OR UPSET OR LONELY OR BORED I FEEL AN OBSESSIVE NEED TO MAKE IT BETTER.
aaawww . . . poor poor farley. he deserves some ice cream and a snuggle.
Farley is totally rocking the brain-surgery-head-stitches thing. And? He's totally smiling about it. Cool dog win.
My dog had the cone of shame last week, and it was pretty hilarious. He kept running into doorways and furniture. I broke the video camera out for that one.
awww poor puppies. but seriously do live near a nuclear power plant or radio towers?
you need an Erin Brokovich for dog tumors to get all up in someone's grill bc TWO tumors in 2 separate dogs is just WRONG.
hope he/they get well soon!
Maybe they cut out the angry/sad parts and squirreled around with the happy/hungry parts.
...Shit. All this talk of "happiness" and "fashion tampons" makes me want to get brain surgery.
*kicks dirt* *glares enviously*
Oh no! Poor Farley! And poor you, after all you'd already been through, too!
Your posts always make my eyes leak, no matter what.
Give Farley a kiss for me, okay? A tongue kiss.
Heh heh. Poor Farley. Don't tell him I laughed at him.
Poor thing. Well, at least he's cute.
Watch out for that cone around his head. It's a weapon of mass destruction.
Poor sweet Farley...get well soon buddy!
Steamy, my friend, no one writes imaginary dialogue like you. I'm still grinning.
Pearl
p.s. My cats send their disdain to Farley. :-)
I think everyone looks more handsome with a roll of gauze taped to their forehead. It's like beer goggles that way.
Tell Farley I think he's smokin' (...In the adjective way, not the cigarette way. Smoking cigarettes with a large roll of something flammable strapped to your noggin is probably asking for trouble).
I predict this look splashed all over Italian Vogue next month.
Get well soon Farls!
I'm going to put a roll of gauze on my head and take a picture for Farley so he'll feel better. Wait... I've got one already. A couple, actually. I'll send the one where I'm clothed. I'll just send both.
Wait...WHAT???
oh Farls...
At least he looks happy, you know for a dog that just got a lobotomy.
It's a stent bandage, used in veterinary medicine to decrease tension on the edges of a healing wound. I use this technique occasionally. Must not be commonly used in human medicine.
This is a funny-looking one, though.
Wow... I wish I looked that good after brain surgery. He should be on the cover of 'Brain Surgery Quarterly'.
Now that I've read about him having brain surgery, my botox joke seems much less hilarious. :(
I hate that he needed brain surgery. Poor little dude! I hope he gets better soon and develops a kick ass scar that will impress all of the other dogs.
Seeing as brain surgery was like... in the title and stuff.
I am usually very perceptive after about try # 4.
Two words: Puppy Sombrero. It'll look fantastic with the cone.
Dude. I want you to write my blog, too. So... Guest blog me. Pretend you're me and I'll post that shiz.
Aw, poor little dude. He is seriously handsome though, so at least the moneymaker is still alright.
I never want to encounter the vagina that uses that size tampon. It probably acts like a black hole and would suck us all in.
Hope your pup is doing well!
Poor Farley! Good to see the surgery hasn't limited his conversational abilities! Good dog! Now stay.
Get well soon Farl!
Aw, man! That is rough. Can you stick your finger in there and make his leg spasm or anything?
How are you going to hide the fact he's not a unicorn anymore from the neighborhood virgins?
I had dog brain surgery and all I got was this stupid tampon hat.
I'm pretty sure my father dated the vagina that tampon belongs to--he had to strap a plank to his ass. He broke it off when the furniture started going missing...
Please give my best wishes to Farley for a full and speedy recovery!
Poor baby. He looks rakish.
I'm still laughing at "the fabric of our lives, yo".
Oh no...tampon head strikes again. Damn what happened to the dog. Sucks.
A: Done. And I know exactly what you mean about the dinner table jokes/guilt feeling, both the literal dinner table scenario and the metaphorical "dinner table" of interactive blog dialogue.
Thanks again.
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