I've stumbled upon an Internet goldmine. At first glance, it appeared to be some kind of "Yahoo! Answers" for refined, cultured types. A site where erudite, sophisticated people come together to seek the answers to life's most meaningful questions.
Questions like, "WHAT IS A CERVIX AGEEN I CRNT BELIEVE I FORGOT LOOL"
Looling indeed, m'lady! You forgot ageen? I daresay, you'd lose your head if it weren't attached.
After thoroughly perusing this treasury of queries and responses, I feel I have come away enlightened and with a greater sense of self-awareness and inner peace. Allow me to share with you some of the finer points of this site...
One inquisitive young woman wonders:
"How to stop queefing?"
and a young gentleman comes to her aid with a prompt reply:
"Making a girl queef, to a guy, is just a sign that you're really hiding it up good. If you've never made a girl queef, you're not doing it right. Also, the more aroused a girl gets, the more predictable she is to queef, so it's only a bad point if you don't know what it is."
If you've never made a girl queef, you're not doing it right. Are you taking notes, men?
Another young woman wonders:
"What chemicals could be put within panties to tighten up loose flaps?"
and receives her answer: "Aluminum."
Aluminum! Who knew! There is no reason to ever visit a doctor again! What use is medicine and science when we've got all the answers we need right here at this virtual oracle of sound advice? Get lost, physicians, we've got it covered!
Another woman is desperate for help:
"God, i need some good comebacks for those boobless attacks.? people r constantly teasing me and my friend about being flatcheasted (she's more flat that me so she get's tham more often. this is 4 her. well...sorta lol, me 2) I don;t kknow weather to laugh or be angry or... idk. COMEBACKS?"
Well, young lady, you have come to the right place. Let's see what cutting witticisms your fellow scholars have devised for your retorts.
"like, at lease my boobs arent so big that I can;t see my toes!"
Zing!
"do you need a life jacket when you have one attached?"
Oooh, count it!
"who needs a car with air bags?"
Absolutely nobody, that's who.
"when you run do you smack yourself in the face?"
Lool!
"at least i can find bathing suits in my size"
Up top, girlfriend!
"less fun on top equals more fun on the bottom"
It's true, do the math!
"at least they dont flat in the wind when i run"
No flatting in the wind for you!
"If its a guy, just say, they are probably bigger than your dick!"
Um...*confused face*...yes.
"At least i wont have back pains from those two tvs on your chest"
TVs! How creative! Televisions are indeed large and bulky, like breasts, it's true.
So clever! I can't just stand back as a participant. I must step in and humbly propose my submissions for boobless comebacks:
"I'm rubber you're glue, your TV breasts flat in the wind like big floppy dicks."
Oh, heavens. This is harder than it looks. How about:
"Your large breasts are garbage breasts!"
Well, lesson learned. Leave the advice-giving to the experts.
Lastly, it appears even the most refined intellectuals seek sexual advice from time to time. It's quite possible they're more like us than we realize:
"Is it bleak to put a toy up your Virgina?"
"Depends, probably not if the toy is a train set or something big with a lot of moving metal parts."
Are you in need of some good advice? Start here: Go, learn, grow.
