Look Nana,I'm worried about you. I can tell you're feeling blue. What's the matter? Is it turning 102 that's got you down in the dumps? I think that must be it. You think I'm not paying attention, but I am. I can hear you from the living room, contemplating the meaning of it all, asking yourself all the big questions in life, like "Who am I?", "Where am I?", "Who are you people?" and "Why won't you let me die?" Those are all important questions for someone your age. Such an inquisitive spirit!
This is a magical time in your life, Nana. Every girl dreams of her 102nd birthday in much the same way she dreams of her wedding day. Life is good! Every day is an adventure, and you never know who you're going to meet.
What? That's not why you're feeling down? What is it then?
I think I know why. It must be that MyHeritage.com Celebrity Look-Alike game thing, huh? Yeah, I thought so. You've seemed a little down in the dumps since you uploaded your face and received the list of celebrities you most resemble. Well, it can't be that bad. Who'd you get, Nana? I could see maybe...hmmm...Shirley McLaine? Orrrr....Dame Judy Dench? No? Who, then?
You're not gonna tell me? Aw, Nana. Let me see. Come on. Let me see. I won't laugh. I won't tell anyone. Promise.
Promise. I won't laugh. Promise. I would never. Look at my face, Nana. I would NEVER be so insensitive as to laugh at something that is obviously affecting your self-esteem so deeply.
Good. Ok, let's see what we've got here....
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!! Oh, NANA!! AHAHAHAHAHA!!! Oh, I'm sorry, Nana! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!! No, no I'm not laughing at you. I was just thinking about something else...something comedic in my memory from long ago that I just remembered...HAHAHA!!! Oh, that Gallagher, smashing those watermelons everywhere what a mess HAHA! Not laughing at you at all Nana!
Aheehee. *deep breaths*
Yes. Settling down now. Okay. Well. Ahem. Ok then, what do we have here, Nana. I see. William S. Burr...Hey you know what, let's skip that one. And Leslie Neilson of Naked Gun and Airplane fame. Mmm hmm, interesting. And Mick Fleetwood, yes okay, I can see that, he's got your beard soulful eyes. And HEY! Look at that! David Duchovny! Reow! Sexy Nana, am I right? Up top, Nana? No?....No?....
Okay, Nana. It's pretty bad, I can't lie, but it's just a game. I know, I know, My Little Becky's matches were pretty accurate, I agree. She got Katherine Heigl, Brooke Shields, Nicole Kidman, a couple international supermodels, blah blah blah. She's young, you know? She's a pretty girl! Her jowls haven't even grown in yet for God's sake! My Little Becky only WISHES she got someone as cool as retired magician and debunker of paranormal claims, James Randi, or Hungarian composer of Hitler's favorite operettas, Franz Lehar!
You know what you need, Nana? A makeover. A makeover would boost your self-esteem, make you feel like the vixen you are. Maybe a little powder on your nose...
Maybe a little blush here and here...
Maybe some more hair on your head...
A little more lip...
A little less neck...
A couple eyebrows....
And VOILA! *gasp!* Nana, you take my breath away. Just gorgeous.
What a delicate beauty.Alright, let's see what MyHeritage.com has to say about this foxeh laydeh, you ready?
*uploads*
Aw, look, you're smiling. You feel better now, Nana? Good.
Does this make up for when I called you a dick? No? Fair enough.
UPDATED:
Dear MyHeritage.com,
I can't quit you. Kurt's asshole wants a go.
Maybe I'll just go ahead and add a little of this and a little of that...
...and...Jesus, do you know your assholes or what. You are made of magic.
You understand the human condition in a way that is so brutally honest and insightful. Does this work with dogs too? Be right back...
UPDATED AGAIN!!
Bad girl Zooey wants her celebrity matches. See into her soul, MyHeritage.com!
Yes, I agree. Perhaps she needs a little help as well...
No matches were found?? It must have been the glasses. Yeah, definitely the glasses messed everything up.
