I can't watch the video, I just can't, but I still enjoyed this post immensely. I just wanted you to know that, in case you really were feeling all shamey about the high level of anus content on your blog.
I am not concerned with an "inconsistent tone" to your blog because inconsistent is my very favorite tone. And I was not at all shocked to realize there would be a video treat for us at the end. No, the part that surprised me was that I watched it. Twice.
i hit the play button on the video and then though "WHY DID I HIT PLAY? WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?" and then it said "this video is unavailable" and i was sooooo relieved but kind of disappointed at the same time.
Awwww. If you just look at the still shot of the video, it looks just like a baby rhesus monkey. You should just call it "The singing baby rhesus monkey" to lure unsuspecting victi... er, potential readers in.
Miss Y: You know I would never disappoint you, Miss Yvonne. You depend on me for the dog anus, and I deliver. Always. And PS: My Christmas mornings have almost exactly this much dog anus, so I don't know what you're talking about.
Inky: I'm here for all your aaaaching needs. Thank you!
Prosy: I've never actually eaten bacon in my life, and I haven't eaten meat in 15 years. The smell of bacon is so foreign and gross to me that I associate it with lots of other smells, like Port-o-potty and socks. I should probably be referencing an item with which I am more familiar, I guess.
Soda: I WAS feeling shamey, that wasn't a joke. And thank you, that was very nice of you! :-)
Maggie: Because you LOVE it, you know you do!!!
The Jules: Maybe I can even hire Will.i.am to do some kind of spoken word thing along with the anal flexiong, you know, as a bonus track.
Larew: Well, if I don't get mine done in time, you could always find a human volunteer. It's easier to make the "mouth" talk with a people-butt anyways. I've heard.
It's All Good: Hey, if it's not in writing, it's not against policy. It's their fault for not covering all their bases.
Mona: My good friend says about me that I "wear my crazy on my sleeve." I don't hide any of it, and I wish more people were like that, because that other kind of crazy, the hidden-away painful kind that you discover years into knowing someone, scares the shit out of me. Beneath all the anus and the vulvae and the poop and the masturbation, I might just be the most well-adjusted person you've ever come across. :-)
Mandy: I need the Swiffer wet mop. The dry cloths would snag and leave fibers I'm sure. What do you use on DDJ?
Kurt: I like how you capitalized "Effs" like it's the Queen, or Skittles.
Carolyn: I'm not shocked at all about that. It was the anal drool that reeled you in for the second show, wasn't it? I thought so.
DDJ: Drooling anal fluid? Hey man, who DOESN'T have a video out there somewhere of their ass leaking fluid everywhere? Am I right?
miss.chief: Wha...? WHY?? Try again. Please? Must be that damn Canadian censorship. Canadians HATE ass. Well guess what, Canada? Ass hates you too.
LiLu: I need to incorporate that line into more of my daily conversations I think.
HBP: Nah, not really. I just have a juvenile sense of humor sometimes.
Stephanie: If I could find a way to re-enact a scene from ROTJ using digital animation and my dog's asshole, believe me, I would. So many possibilities...Oh that Jabba the Hut prisoner scene would work too!
Anon: It does!! I should title it "Live Zoo Webcam: A new arrival in the monkey cage!!" and then twirl my mustache in evil glee. Mwahahahaha!!!
"Jolene bleach cream" and "dog anus" should never come so close together in the list. It's all burn-y.
I would definitely consider putting my dog's anus on my blog, except his isn't as gloriously shiny and liquid as yours (I mean your dog's. Otherwise it's just inappropriate speculation, I'm afraid...).
My dog's anus is very tiny and prim, and doesn't do any tricks. *pout*
Dana: It gets easier with practice. Basically, what you gotta do is laugh laugh laugh until you're all out of breath and then *dry heave*. And repeat.
Vic: Her anus is quite glorious, I'll admit. It hypnotizes and fascinates me, like a lava lamp. Plus it's got those mysterious stains all over it, and I don't know where the heck they came from. Even after my sharpie eyes and eyebrows faded off, still with the black stains...
FF: I KNOW, RIGHT?? There's no way I can go grosser, I might have to go way far to the other end of the spectrum and post photos of my dogs in sunglasses and kids eating ice cream and stuff.
Mona: I know you are! You appreciate the inappropriate like nobody else. My comment back was part of that "inconsistent tone" business I mentioned before. Not as bad as that time I got all serious about the rights of the mentally ill in the middle of a post about my vagina, though. That was awkward.
Venom: Who thinks that?? I can ruin bacon twenty ways til Sunday. I've never used that expression before. I think I got it wrong.
That's nothing! We took Zia to a farm yesterday and this one cow's asshole was like 10 times the size of Zooey's and right in our face. I said "That cow has a really ugly butthole" and Spence said "Aww.. that's mean" so I said "But your hair is really pretty!" to make her feel better.
You sent me here and described this as your Worst Thing You Ever Posted Like Ever. I'll admit, a leaking dog anus will never be the star of a Pixar movie, but on balance I've seen worse. I think that says more about me than about you.
The absolute best part, no contest, is your genuine, joyful laugh. I say that in all earnestness. It's spectacular.
32 comments:
Damn, and I was so close.
I will never think of whistling the same way again. I actually "aaaaach!!"ed out loud several times during this post--definite win.
What kind of bacon are you EATING?!
I can't watch the video, I just can't, but I still enjoyed this post immensely. I just wanted you to know that, in case you really were feeling all shamey about the high level of anus content on your blog.
: )
no no no!!! why did i keep reading when i knew it would end in pain!!!
AHAHAHAHA - mweh.
I think you should dub a whistling track over that and submit it to Now That's What I Call Dog Anus 72.
Out this september, I believe.
aaaand back to work....
(Im pretty sure watching videos of dogs anus is against my companies policies)
I honestly don't know what made me laugh/wheeze harder, the blog or the, "there ya gooooo!"
You have problems I hope you never, ever solve:)
I'm glad I can be the magnet the Effs up your moral compass. That makes me feel special.Like A cancer survivor or Your Mom.
I am not concerned with an "inconsistent tone" to your blog because inconsistent is my very favorite tone. And I was not at all shocked to realize there would be a video treat for us at the end. No, the part that surprised me was that I watched it. Twice.
Mandy's got one of me doing that.
i hit the play button on the video and then though "WHY DID I HIT PLAY? WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?"
and then it said "this video is unavailable" and i was sooooo relieved but kind of disappointed at the same time.
I am so totally with Mona Lott on this
You have problems I hope you never, ever solve:) ever ever ever !!!!
:D
a laser would be totally cool! Have like a red light saber light flying from the hold with a sound of "pew! pew!" at the same time. Awesome!
Awwww. If you just look at the still shot of the video, it looks just like a baby rhesus monkey. You should just call it "The singing baby rhesus monkey" to lure unsuspecting victi... er, potential readers in.
Miss Y: You know I would never disappoint you, Miss Yvonne. You depend on me for the dog anus, and I deliver. Always. And PS: My Christmas mornings have almost exactly this much dog anus, so I don't know what you're talking about.
Inky: I'm here for all your aaaaching needs. Thank you!
Prosy: I've never actually eaten bacon in my life, and I haven't eaten meat in 15 years. The smell of bacon is so foreign and gross to me that I associate it with lots of other smells, like Port-o-potty and socks. I should probably be referencing an item with which I am more familiar, I guess.
Soda: I WAS feeling shamey, that wasn't a joke. And thank you, that was very nice of you! :-)
Maggie: Because you LOVE it, you know you do!!!
The Jules: Maybe I can even hire Will.i.am to do some kind of spoken word thing along with the anal flexiong, you know, as a bonus track.
Larew: Well, if I don't get mine done in time, you could always find a human volunteer. It's easier to make the "mouth" talk with a people-butt anyways. I've heard.
It's All Good: Hey, if it's not in writing, it's not against policy. It's their fault for not covering all their bases.
Mona: My good friend says about me that I "wear my crazy on my sleeve." I don't hide any of it, and I wish more people were like that, because that other kind of crazy, the hidden-away painful kind that you discover years into knowing someone, scares the shit out of me. Beneath all the anus and the vulvae and the poop and the masturbation, I might just be the most well-adjusted person you've ever come across. :-)
Mandy: I need the Swiffer wet mop. The dry cloths would snag and leave fibers I'm sure. What do you use on DDJ?
Kurt: I like how you capitalized "Effs" like it's the Queen, or Skittles.
Carolyn: I'm not shocked at all about that. It was the anal drool that reeled you in for the second show, wasn't it? I thought so.
DDJ: Drooling anal fluid? Hey man, who DOESN'T have a video out there somewhere of their ass leaking fluid everywhere? Am I right?
miss.chief: Wha...? WHY?? Try again. Please? Must be that damn Canadian censorship. Canadians HATE ass. Well guess what, Canada? Ass hates you too.
LiLu: I need to incorporate that line into more of my daily conversations I think.
HBP: Nah, not really. I just have a juvenile sense of humor sometimes.
Stephanie: If I could find a way to re-enact a scene from ROTJ using digital animation and my dog's asshole, believe me, I would. So many possibilities...Oh that Jabba the Hut prisoner scene would work too!
Anon: It does!! I should title it "Live Zoo Webcam: A new arrival in the monkey cage!!" and then twirl my mustache in evil glee. Mwahahahaha!!!
That really was something. It's tough to laugh and gag at the same time, did you know that?
"Jolene bleach cream" and "dog anus" should never come so close together in the list. It's all burn-y.
I would definitely consider putting my dog's anus on my blog, except his isn't as gloriously shiny and liquid as yours (I mean your dog's. Otherwise it's just inappropriate speculation, I'm afraid...).
My dog's anus is very tiny and prim, and doesn't do any tricks. *pout*
Way to raise the bar! :)
You're absolutely right- I hope you know I meant that as a compliment. I'm a huge fan if hilarious.
Wow. And some people think there's just no way to ruin bacon. They should read this....
Dana: It gets easier with practice. Basically, what you gotta do is laugh laugh laugh until you're all out of breath and then *dry heave*. And repeat.
Vic: Her anus is quite glorious, I'll admit. It hypnotizes and fascinates me, like a lava lamp. Plus it's got those mysterious stains all over it, and I don't know where the heck they came from. Even after my sharpie eyes and eyebrows faded off, still with the black stains...
FF: I KNOW, RIGHT?? There's no way I can go grosser, I might have to go way far to the other end of the spectrum and post photos of my dogs in sunglasses and kids eating ice cream and stuff.
Mona: I know you are! You appreciate the inappropriate like nobody else. My comment back was part of that "inconsistent tone" business I mentioned before. Not as bad as that time I got all serious about the rights of the mentally ill in the middle of a post about my vagina, though. That was awkward.
Venom: Who thinks that?? I can ruin bacon twenty ways til Sunday. I've never used that expression before. I think I got it wrong.
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Jesus!
anal glands! yes! i have to dodge this stuff on a daily basis. i'm that classy. fabulous picture show and fabulous lead up. brava!
I feel all humourous (blog) and violated (is that really a vid- NO, NO GOD NO) at the same time.
P.S. Your voice is all girly and sweet. These things don't add up.
firstly: mmmm...anal glands and fluid.
second: kurt sounds like a whore.
third: thanks for putting the kids incorporated song in my head. awesome. guess what andy is dreaming about tonight?
andy:)
Dog anus. This is why you're my blog-crush. Dog anus.
That's nothing! We took Zia to a farm yesterday and this one cow's asshole was like 10 times the size of Zooey's and right in our face. I said "That cow has a really ugly butthole" and Spence said "Aww.. that's mean" so I said "But your hair is really pretty!" to make her feel better.
what the hell is wrong with you?!
Or is it, what the hell is wrong with me??!!
Why would I click play? I knew what was coming. And yet...
And now, my poor poor Millie will live in fear of her butthole being videoed.
Back to the MJ coverage...
what the hell is wrong with you?!
Or is it, what the hell is wrong with me??!!
Why would I click play? I knew what was coming. And yet...
And now, my poor poor Millie will live in fear of her butthole being videoed.
Back to the MJ coverage...
You sent me here and described this as your Worst Thing You Ever Posted Like Ever. I'll admit, a leaking dog anus will never be the star of a Pixar movie, but on balance I've seen worse. I think that says more about me than about you.
The absolute best part, no contest, is your genuine, joyful laugh. I say that in all earnestness. It's spectacular.
wow... ive always wanted to see a dogs leaky anus on video. you brighten up my day.
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