The following was written in the winter of 09-10, but I posted it back here in the 2008 archives because it's just depressing. Spoiler alert: the dog kicks it.
November 11:
I'm posting this shit because I'm a crazy dog lady and I'm just compelled, I can't stop myself. I'm all broken up over this motherfucking dog, so to counteract/redirect all the pain I'm going to drop fuck bombs all over this motherfucking joint. Because I have sensitive feelings about my sick dog, but I'm not gonna be all pussy in public about it. I'm brave on the outside. This wall of curses will make me even stronger and more invulnerable I bet. I might cry and shit, but only under the covers late at night, so you'll never catch me, bitches. Fuck you, don't look at me, I have allergies in my eye.
Here's some stupid fucking pictures of my fucking cute as shit dog, Dolphinhead Seizuredog:
Dolphinhead's best friend Juanita has been by her side while she's been sick. Yeah, they hold hands in the car, stupid asshole dogs. Juanita's the fucking little one on the right.
This is from the time when Dolphinhead first started her anti-seizure meds and fell into a planter and then went to sleep. Juanita decided to keep her company in the planter. Juanita is a sensitive pussy.
Dolphinhead sleeps on a towel for when she pees in her sleep. Juanita is worried about her. I'm anthropomorphizing her because I'm an asshole. Fuck me.
Dolphinhead returns from the ER after a hard night, and falls asleep in my vagina. If I had a nickel...
November 13:
Dolphinhead thinks she's hot shit because she can clean ears. She's such a show off. There's nothing worse than a braggy dog. These dogs are nothing but a burden.
Yeah, we kiss sometimes, so what? She probably just wants my food. Dick move, pup. I can see right through your ruse.
November 22:
Dolphinhead Seizuredog continues to hang in there, like the proverbial kitty from the tree branch. She eats like a hobbit and continues to clean the other dogs' ears, so she's happy it seems. The thing that is giving me the creeps, though, is that because the tumor is on her skull above her eye, her eyeball recedes into her head every time she yawns, leaving a gaping hole for just a second. Argh matey!!
I've been walking her around the block off-leash, because I DARE YOU, CARS!! MAKE MY FUCKING DAY!! SHE'S A DOG ON THE EDGE WITH NOTHIN TO LOSE would be the opening line in the preview of the movie of her life.
As promised, or...I think I promised, or maybe I mentioned it, or maybe I was talking to myself...
This is Dolphinhead Seizuredog (aka Franny) the day I found her at the pound 11 years ago. They said she'd been dropped off because her owners didn't want her anymore, but I soon discovered she would cower when I picked up anything resembling a broomhandle or a stick, so there's more to that story I guess.
I loved her instantly.
Here she is with her cellmate, Zooey the Poopmaster Magnifico, aka Gaflooven Flooven from an earlier post. I took them home the same day.
I just realized I've forgotten to swear today. Right. Stupid cuntbag pups. Fin.
I just realized I've forgotten to swear today. Right. Stupid cuntbag pups. Fin.December 9:
Dolphinhead hasn't had a seizure in over a month, but her bloodwork shows that her liver and kidneys are failing, which is either due to the strength of her meds or the cancer spreading. There's really nothing we can do about it.
Currently she's lying next to my chair, and I swear to God the stank of stale beefy pee from her ass fluff area is overwhelming. I can't help leaning over and whispering, "I...I can smell yer cunt" a la Jodie Foster in Silence of the Lambs. But then I feel bad for that, and I reassure her that I can't really smell her cunt. It must be somebody else's beefy cunt area that I'm smelling.
Is she planning to die on my birthday? I see her life like the big spin on Price is Right, and the wheel's slowing down and the section with my birthday is approaching and the wheel goes "plinkplinkplink...plink.....plink.......pul-ink....." and it's gonna stop right there on December 23. A few years ago my cat died on my birthday. Like, AT my birthday dinner, in a box on the side table. (What? You don't keep your cat in a box? It was a big box, lots of room to shift around, and I never kept the lid on or anything.)
No, just kidding, he was napping in there after a trip to the vet.
Death sucks. You can quote me on that.
January 2, 2010
We had her put to sleep today, in her favorite shady spot in the back yard. It was peaceful. She gave me a bunch of sloppy kisses right before she closed her eyes, which was nice because she hasn't done that for a while.
Not sure when this is going to stop feeling so bad. Everything hurts.
33 comments:
that last picture is precious. and that sounds creepy but really, it is and it made me a little teary. dhsd has such a soulful facey. and jaunita is obviously an awesome friend. now who sounds like a crazy dog lady?
i wish there were something i could do... but just know that i will be sending anti-seizey thoughts to dhsd. (and i don't know the whole situation but if there's something you need to research, etc let me know. i might be able to help.)
Aw, that's so sweet to offer. It's a brain tumor, and by the time we found it, it was pretty far along. There's nothing to be done, according to everyone. It sucks, because she really is the sweetest, most gentle, perfect dog.
I started the Becky club, but it's just you and me so far. Do you know any other Beckys? There's that one girl Beckeye, but I went to her blog and then got shy because I'm not a regular there. I asked this other Beck(e)y though. If I build it, they will come.
The swears totally having me thinking you aren't kind and loving to your dogs, so that plan totally worked. It's like you're an amazing wizard who cast a jinx on me.
I'm really sorry about Franny, Becks.
I could make a joke about your cursing, but I won't. And I could tell you that I understand because my lab had a tumor, but I won't... sort of, cause I just did. I won't say I'll pray, because I don't do that sort of thing.
But I'm sending you and dhsd good thoughts. And I'll salute you both next time I have an alcoholic beverage.
Ugh, I've had a sick dog before. I feel for you. I know what its like to feel helpless and to just wish you could make them better. I wish I had words that might help, but I don't, other than to say, I've been there and I understand.
You're right about the cuteness of DHSD. That first picture is really fucking cute. I've been where you are and I'll keep a good thought. Us Frannys gotta stick together :)
Aw hon. I just saw this. Sending you both happy thoughts and big hugs (that probably no one wants anyway because they're all creepy and shit, but I'm a warm-fuzzy kind of person and have to send them or I feel like a meanie so hush it and take the hug already).
I've been in a similar spot, and I know it sucks ... cuss away. Hit me on the Googlemeister if you want - inkpuddle@puddleofink.com (as the friendly, local dog nut, I feel obliged to say that and put my dogcentricness to good use). Hang in, okay?
Juanita is a fucking saint. (Hey, that works!)
Loved the pictures, B. I've been thinking about you and Franny a lot this week. I'm glad you posted about her.
(But what's with the discrimination?? Only two letters off and I'm not in the club? Harsh. :)
My dogs offer to lick my dinner out of my mouth all the time.
Hugs to DHSD. And you too Steamy.
Oh my lord, the video just killed me. My heart exploded because seriously. That sucks so bad. Poor Dolphinhead.
God dammit *waves hand do dry allergy eyes* I lost my dogs to cancer. One followed the other. God dammit.
I'm going to go (continue to) cry into my coffee.
Absolute peace (and humor, and happiess) to DHSD.
She's so cute.
So sweet. You both have your eyes closed while you were kissing. You are a dog lover!
Poor Dolphinhead...gosh...I really did tear up a bit. I have a soft spot for dogs...
Pound puppies are the best.
Ohhhh, the pound pictures are heartbreaking. She certainly lucked out.
Dolphinhead won't die on your birthday. At least I hope she won't. Oy...
I slit my wrists. LOOK AT THE BLOOD!
Sorry, I couldn't help it.
And I'm also sorry for Dolphinhead. :(
First off, thank you for adopting your doggies from the pound. That rules.
Second, I lost my beagle, Owen Potato, on November 15th, to a brain tumor. This post really struck me, as Tater had the same issues with peeing and my whole fucking house smelled like pee by about mid-october, because he liked to pee in the living room that has big gaps between the old planks. But I didn't care, because it was Potato.
After a few weeks, my other pup was lonely as hell, so we got her a buddy from rescue. His name is NutterButter. We're all a little bit better now.
Thanks for loving your dogs as much as you do.
Fuckhead seizure dog was the best we will always love her!
RIP DHSD. Thanks for sharing a little of her with us, Becky.
Awww, Becky. :-(
It's gonna hurt for awhile, but then the hurt will fade a little and you'll be able to smile and laugh when you think about her. I know exactly how you are feeling.
I'm so sorry, Becky. Franny was clearly loved like every pet deserves. And I hope it's some small comfort that even to the end she was frisky and happy, covering you with kisses :)
Oh, this is so sad. Seriously, crazy animal lady over here. It's so hard losing an animal, I swear it's like losing a loved one. We lost one a couple of years ago and it was the most painful thing. She looked like a beautiful, sweet dog. Call me an optimist, but I always think that animals live the high life after they pass on -- as a reward for making our lives so happy. It'll get easier as time goes by...again, so sorry :(
crying. my. eyes. out.
love you.
Thank you so much, you guys. I haven't clicked back over here since I posted because the photos make me so sad. It's weird because I'm fine one minute, then it's like a tsunami of sad hits me from behind, like a physical jolt. I'm very angry as well.
Amanda: I like to think that too, actually I'm forcing myself to think that, otherwise it's just too depressing.
www: Again, angry me feels like they were begging kisses, or scared kisses. Everyone else thinks they were thank you kisses. I wish I were more of an optimist.
Elizabeth: Thanks. It's a huge loss. You know.
Miss Y: At this point, I feel guilty when I'm not feeling hurt, like I'm betraying her. I think it's the Irish in me.
OWO: I wish I had her longer.
Cindy: That fucking dog was awesome. These other fucking dogs can suck my dick.
Harna: Yeah, it is.
Cow: Pound dogs are the best. I'm sorry about your pup. You probably won't ever read this, but your message really helped. I went and read your blog after, and tried to respond to your comment but it was a noreply address. Thank you. And I'm sorry about Owen.
Tony: She held out, it turns out. Til the 2nd. Figures, cause she was that awesome.
mayo: It's the only way to play it, I think.
Inky: She was one lucky dog, for sure. I'd love to be one of my dogs.
Soda: Yes, they really are.
MLB: That bitch was hot, with an ass that wouldn't quit. (She had a pet donkey. No, she didn't. But if she did that line would have been awesome.)
Tony: Thanks.
Richard: It's more sensual if you close your eyes. :-)
Oy...I'm really sorry, Becky. That really sucks.
At least she's no longer suffering, and she's in Doggy Heaven with endless amounts of treats and yum yums and Kong Wubbas.
I'm very sorry for your loss. I know words can never touch the pain of losing a loved one. But, I am compelled to make the gesture, nonetheless. As someone who prefers the company of a dog to most humans, I feel your pain. I wish I were there so I could gather you up in my arms, and clean your ears, just the way Franny would, to help you know that everything is going to be alright...eventually.
Aw goddammit Becky. I was already crying over my damn cats and then I saw this, and now there just aren't enough tissues the world over.
It does just have to hurt for a while, doesn't it? I'm so, so, so sorry. I'm glad she went peacefully, and that she held out for you for just a few more days.
Big, big hug ... and you don't even have to wipe your nose first, because whatever part of my PJ's YOU don't snot on, I'm pretty sure I will. Hang in there, lady. Thinking of you.
Bawling. My. Face. Off. So now I'm the faceless wonder, thanks for that. Seriously though, I had to put my dog to sleep in May and it sucked the biggest dick in the universe and still hurts to think about. He was like Dolphinhead though. Scared of stuff - I hate people who make our babies scared.
Anyway, I'm super sorry. Death is bullcrap. And poor Juanita.
Dude not cool, not cool at all, you made me tear a lil, a-hole. I'm sorry bout yer puppy face but puppy heaven is the shiz I heard, don't ask me who told me, it's too painful a story.
<3 dolphinhead
This made me cry! We had to put our dog Shadow down last year and then my other dog decided to be an asshole and bring me Shadow's bowl and make me cry all over again. Sorry for your loss.
Hi Becky. Commenting in a timely fashion over a year later as I just found this via your post about Farley, which I took comfort from when I had to have my beloved dog put down two weeks ago.
Hope you are happier now and I hope it gets easier.
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