Awesomely Bad High School Diary, Vol 3: This disease is tearing us apart

This third, and probably final, installment of Awesomely Bad High School Diary truly embarrasses me. It's not the handjob talk, or the "fingering", or the boners, or any of that. It's the political anti-war poetry that has me squirming. I posted it because it makes me laugh really hard, but for the first time ever, I'm cringing. 

I'm returning the diaries to the memory trunk, but I might update later, because I know there's something about a botched handjob in there, I just can't find the page right now.    

In Volume 1 Becky made a metaphor about love and fish and boats and then crowned herself best poet in the history of the universe, and then dumped Brad for Andy because he could draw a skull like nobody's business.

Next, in Volume 2  Becky invented the "first base threesome" (Thanks, Mandy!), left Andy for Kevin, and all her friends have bowling ball holes for vaginas. (And thanks for that, Carolyn!)

Now, Volume 3: Becky's metaphorical boat encounters some rough seas, due to bad weather caused by mono and chicken pox. Becky and Kevin, also fish in this mixed metaphor, contemplate putting their fins down each other's fish pants. 

My commentary in red.

Go:

Kevin has mono. He said he got it from the air, but he's so full of shit. I can't believe he scammed on me. He's mad at me now because I think he scammed on me. 

Poem for Kevin:

Procrastination

Feeling inspired (Oh Jesus. Again?)

Waiting for the call

Can't concentrate

Don't let it end

Distractions from you

Call Courtney after 

hang up with me

1/2 hour ago (Yes, that's a fraction. Jealous, Maya Angelou?)

Call back please

It won't hurt.

Why not? 

Help me.

Trapped.

Isolation.

Solitude. 

Nobody. (Could you clarify please? Are you with people right now?)

Alone. (Oh, ok. Got it. Thanks.)

This disease 

is tearing

us

apart. (Yeah, AIDS called and wants you to shut the fuck up.)

Five days later...

Ok, me and Kevin didn't break up. I was just making a big deal out of nothing. He was just ignoring me because he was obsessed with football. He's practically over his mono now and I want to kiss him so bad but I can't unless I use Saran Wrap over his face or something.

Mr. Jeffs called me in for suspected plagiarism and I would have got a zero if he had bought the Cliff Notes and checked but he didn't so I got a B+. 

Guess what? I got chicken pox. This is the most vomitous experience ever. I just sit here all day, and at this moment there are non-chicken pox healthy people dancing on Club MTV. Fuck them! I think chicken pox affects my emotions because when I look in the mirror I get soooooo depressed. Kevin sent me a teddy bear in a basket with 3 balloons tied to it. This is the first get well package I've ever got. I was so happy when I got this. I don't know how to thank him. I want to try to just give him a hand job but I don't know if that would make him uncomfortable or not.

Kevin just measured his dick on the phone with me. He kept on saying it was 7 inches and I said I didn't believe him and he said "Ok, I'll measure it. Erect or normal?" so I chose erect, and he said, "How do I make it erect?" and I said, "Come on, don't tease me! All guys know how to make it erect. Give yourself a hand job!" and he said, "Ok, I'll make it erect, but it's hard to make it erect on the phone. I'll call you back later and tell you how big it gets and the difference in size between regular and erect." 

Saddam is insane. Today he dropped missiles on Israel. This is NOT GOOD. I'm too young to die. They shot down more than 3 American planes. I broke my diet when I heard this. Good thing Saddam has no nuclear bombs! (I HOPE!!!) Why do we have such fucking insane leaders??? I think Beth did ecstacy.

Here's a poem I wrote in my free period today: 

WAR! (Oh no. *Pulls hoodie over head, yanks drawstrings tight*)

Traffic stops

Children have nightmares

News programs invade our thoughts

Men in green, laden with sand have chapped lips

and at home...blood pressure rises as hairlines recede.

Big George is mad because Saddam took his Oreos. (I want to go back in time and give my mom an abortion.)

When he threatens a punch,

Saddam throws sand in his face. (Maybe I should just go way back, and sink the Mayflower. You know, to be sure.)

Big George takes his missiles and throws them far, (All the way to the "Iraq teeter-totter". Why not. *shrug*)

while Saddam runs away crying.

they both poise their nuclear weapons

and prepare

to kill each other.

The power lays in the hands 

of two children 

having fun

with their 

bombs. (Get it? Because they are soooooo immature. Saddam and Bush both need to grow up. Maybe I'll make a mixed tape about it. I'll put "Give Peace a Chance" on it, and also "In Your Eyes" because that song rules.)

Next time we're alone I'm going to give Kevin a hand job. I want to so badly. I don't want him to finger me. I'm scared he's going to, even though I'll be pulling his hand away. I hope not, I'm praying not. He could so overpower me if he wanted, like when he sits on my face with a pillow and I can't breathe. He's really strong.

*****

PS: Still really embarrassed about the Saddam/Oreos poem.

And Dolphinhead Seizuredog says thanks for the well-wishes.